Princess of the Fortress Abridged
by Zanna-chan
Summary: Because nothing shows someone how much you appreciate them like a mocking them! Loving parody of Princess of the Fortress. Made with Flygon Pirate's permission for the lols.


Abridged as defined by the free dictionary:

**a·bridge**

_tr.v. _**a·bridged**, **a·bridg·ing**, **a·bridg·es**

**1. **To reduce the length of (a written text); condense.

**2. **To cut short; curtail.

Words in original story: 873

Words in this story: 1332

Yeah, This is that kind of fan-fiction.

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><p><em>Once upon a time there was a fan-fiction author who opened a story with dialogue rather then establishing the setting or characters making the opening part of the story fairly difficult to parody.<em>

"Where to?" said someone

"To the random Apartments on Random Number Street, it's just few blocks down the road." said someone else.

"Okay, got it. Hop in." said someone who probably was the first someone but could of been anyone really.

**It was a black stormy night** when the seventeen year old Nicole Anderson moved to sit in the backseat of the nondescript taxi cab, and it was raining rain on the ground because of the storm, making the ground wet and therefore difficult to drive on. This rain also served to scare away all the people in one of the worlds most populated city's but the girl who was only one year away from being legal was to busy nervously twiddling her thumbs while focusing her attention on the wet road that was unsafe for fast moving cars to travel on while everything outside the car sped by. Rain was hitting the cabs window because it was still raining, Nicole was watching the rain hit the window because introductions are boring but necessary.

If there two mistakes about this scenario that she wanted to emphasize to the readers,they were that she was in a taxi cab alone and riding during a dark, rainy night, but that was only one mistake so for now she would like to remind you that driving really fast on a wet road can cause hydroplaning which is very dangerous. The first thing on this was hard to avoid anyway, because it was _impossible _for her to walk in the rain alone _because she melts in water_ because water doesn't affect the 'bad-guys' in this series negatively. Usually.

Nicole decided that the readers have been kept in the dark about her appearance for to long and began playing with her curly dark-brown ponytail so the readers would know that she had curly dark-brown hair. No further description of her actual physical appearance was given, instead the author described her clothes. She wore a black leather jacket over her gray shirt, midnight-black jeans, and jet-black tennis shoes. She also wore a silver dragon pendant attached to a metal chain around her neck for good luck, remember this necklace its important. Sort of.

"So, Miss," The old taxi cab driver broke in unable to take another minute of the author telling us absolutely nothing while the plot goes nowhere. "Isn't it a little strange to be by yourself over there? Isn't there someone nearby whose worried about your safety?"

Nicole looked at the driver through the rear view mirror that was positioned in such a way that the driver could look at the person in the back seat rather then see if there are any cars behind him where it would be, you know, useful, she was slightly disappointed that the author didn't even bother to really describe her own character.

"Well…um, I had a job interview that ran longer than I expected and…I just couldn't get a ride from any of my peers." She replied, trying to sound as formal and professional as she could for some reason.

"Really? Couldn't your parents give you a ride?"

"Uh… they said they couldn't for some reason…"

"But doesn't that make your parents seem terribly irresponsible?" The driver asked.

Nicole shook her head. "They told me to get a cab ride, so that makes it okay."

The driver gave a curt nod and focused on the road ahead of him like he was supposed to. "Darn this weather! I can't see a thing!" He muttered.

_Remember kids Riding in a taxi who's driver can't see the road is dangerous._

Nicole watched the windshield wipers wipe the window while willing away the winds wayward waving.

A strange feeling came to her, but she couldn't tell what it was, and neither could I because I'm dense. A flash of lightning lit the cloud-covered skies and a clash of thunder roared, startling Nicole because she's a wimp.

The driver chuckled.

"You're a bit jumpy, aren't you?"

Nicole gave a weak smile and nodded.

"It's alright, there's nothing wrong with being paranoid, since you become more aware of your surroundings and all."

Nicole shrugged her shoulders. "I-I…suppose… that makes sence..."

_Never in this story dose Nicole's paranoia help her in any way._

The taxi came to a red traffic light and halted. _This is the only time in this story in which a character practices safe driving._ Nicole looked out her window to see a nearby sign that beamed under the street lights. The picture was very detailed but she couldn't tell what the picture was of. Over it was the word "Random" and under the image was the word "Apartments".

"Make a turn over here, this is my stop." She informed the driver, pointing at the sign.

"Right then." He responded.

The bright red traffic light quickly turned to a cool green and the cab took off.

Nicole's heart skipped an entire beat. "Um…that was my stop back there, it had a big glowing sign and everything."

The driver nodded. "Yes, it was over there, wasn't it?"

Nicole frowned. "Um…is there a problem? Please tell me you can see and we won't both die because of your blindness."

"I can see and we won't both die because of my blindness." said the driver sarcastically.

Nicole's twiddled her thumbs even faster, uttering no words. Her heart began to beat out from her chest. Something was either out of place, or she was in a dream.

But she never recalled sleeping in the cab _which is weird because shes the only one in the world who can remember falling asleep, which is by definition the loss of consciousness._

The cab made a sharp turn to the right, entering a straight and narrow alleyway. Finally, it came to a slow stop.

"What's going on? This isn't my stop, I demand a-!" Nicole couldn't even finish her sentence, let alone even breathe.

The old, pale taxi driver was no longer there. The man that took his place wore a fine red suit with a bright scarlet tie, slim black gloves, and a dark-red ski mask to hide his identity. He faced her, smiling wickedly at her. "What's the matter, chéri?" He asked in a thick French accent, "Cat got your tongue?"

"B-B-B-But…" Nicole stammered, "Wasn't that other guy just right there a few seconds ago?"

"Whatever you do, don't open the back trunk." The man let out a sinister cackle so the readers can tell that hes the story's villein.

Nicole gasped in shock. "You…killed him? But how did you…and what-? Ah!" Her train of thought was scattered everywhere across her mind in confusion, she was so confused she didn't bother trying to **run away** from the murderer who was trying to kidnap her.

The man's arms reached out slowly towards the girl. His pale-blue eyes narrowed. "Hold still, petite chat, this won't take long."

Nicole let out a scream rather then try and exit the car, but the man's gloved hand covered her mouth in seconds. Then she felt him pull her towards him and moaned in pain as she felt a sharp pinch on her neck.

If there were three things she found wrong with this while she was losing consciousness, they were that she was in a taxi cab alone with someone she didn't know_ which is of course the entire point of a taxi cab, getting someone you don't know to drive you somewhere_, riding during a stormy night, and could do nothing at all to save herself from a kidnapping.

Then she dramatically faded into unconsciousness but not before I could point out that was four things.

_Four!_

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><p>Author's note: Chapter one in which Zanna learns that finishing writing a chapter and posting it on are two very different things and misses her deadline.<p>

Sorry Flygon.

Zanna also learned that will not strike through text, this makes her sad. She chose to use italics instead even though it looks silly.

Sorry readers.

Oh and I passed my drivers test by the way, in case any of you where wondering.


End file.
